sickness

had so much thoughts when I wanted to write about this entry especially when I was on the bus, there was so much I wanted to say. but as here I am, settled down at home, I simply don't know how to begin this story. I'm feeling so lost now...

last year december, contacted an old fren of mine regarding this attendance to a long awaited gathering. however, he kindly down our offer as he was on medication and he just had an operation. Not willing to let me noe wat his illness was, I was also afraid to probe further. All I did was to hope he would recover soon and then we would meet again though I had already suspected something serious might had cropped up but I had no moral courage to find out more or maybe because I simple couldnt be bothered? I donoe.....

Then during this vacation, had met up with a few frens of mine from sch days As we were talking about the good old times, we realised this fren of mine have been missing in action. Naturally, we were curious and we were concern. Only till today that I found out from another fren that he happened to be quite seriously ill. Earlier in december he had an operation on his colon to remove the cancer. and now, he had been hospitalised because the cancer cell has spread and he had to have another operation.

All this while he had been so critically ill and he did not even want to trouble us by letting us noe of his condition. that is just so much like his character. strong and considerate.... not wanting to trouble others and to suffer all this on his own. Now, I don even noe if he would want us to know of his condition because the fact that he had hid all this from us, he must have felt that he shouldnt let us know. How is it possible for someone to know of this and act indifferent? yet, we have to respect his decision.

When I know of this, I was totally shocked. I totally donoe how to react.... but now when I'm typing.... tears just start to flow down uncontrollably... Recently I had fallen sick as well. being down with flu, we lament the way we cant find the energy to do anything. Even such a small flu can seem so unbearable to me. What about wat my fren is going thru rite now? I cannot imagine.

But now, even when I noe of this, there's nothing I can do! I felt so hopeless to do anything for this ex team mate of mine. I hate myself for being so useless, even for feeling so hopeless too. Right! there is still hope. Whatever it is, please give him the strength to undergo his treatment, and to be the same old healthy person he should be. bless him.

I hate the way I simply don cherish the things and people ard me. that I had taken them for granted, expecting that they will always be there. That is simply so UNTRUE! When we are so caught up with our own individual lives, we have failed to stopped and catch up with other people around us. that includes our parents, our families, our friends and even ourselves. As we are busy mugging, chasing skirts, and when we are having the greatest time of our lives, don forget about those who are deprived of such chance. The reason why you are having such great time is because of the people around you. then why cant we be there when a fren needs a spiritual support?

It saddens me to know that life can be so vulnerable, There so little we can do.... yet there's also so much for us to do if we want to. So little that I can offered to help, to ease the pain for him, to make him recover. Yet if we want to, we can start from now, to treat everyone the best that they shd deserve, to not take them for granted, and to make them loved. Especially loved by you. I'm bad at expressing my emotions, but I must say I love my family, all my frens and you my dearest fren.... these may sound hypocritically but at this point of time, this is really how I feel.

this entry may be incoherent and contains many error. just let it be, because it the first draft. reading and rewriting would make it meaningless.